Friday, May 12, 2006

Deceased Lumber returns

Deadwood returns to HBO with new episodes on June 11, 2006. Ian McShane as Al Swearengen is always a joy to watch. Watching this show will change your life. Even more than watching one of those Real Estate buying infomercials, buying one of those miracle face creams, or buying a book telling you how to make a million dollars on eBay.

Burn baby burn

Last night's Survivor ended with a cliffhanger.
Cirie & Danielle were about to start a tie-breaker challenge that would decide who would make it to the final 3. It was a fire-making challenge that would seem to give the edge to Danielle, but by the look of the previews of next weeks episode, Cirie seems to do just fine. I have to confess that I got a bit excited with the cliffhanger. After the show in a fit of excitement I tried to start a fire with flint and stones in the middle of the street. I apologize to my neighbors and the fire department. It won't happen again.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Alive, dead, alive, dead

Libby was shot twice by Michael last week in "Lost". This week, she miraculously survived and almost was able to give the goods that Michael was the one who shot her. After being shot up with Heroin as a painkiller and being cried over by a lovesick Hurley, poor Libby officially died. Again. Meanwhile, over on Alias, Vaughn is officially alive. He survived a brawl with the evil Sydney double Anna who was eventually killed by the REAL Sydney, saving Vaughn's life again. Trouble keeping track of all this fun? What's the problem? You have a job? Family? Responsibilities? Throw all that stuff to the side. TV is what's really important my friend.

Screenplay by L Ron Hubbard?

Page Six is reporting that Tom Cruise is again in the running for the "Iron Man" movie. Iron Man's alter ego is a multi-millionaire playboy who has battled booze. Tom Cruise is a multi-millionaire lunatic who has battled Brooke Shields. Sounds like a good fit.

Britney's timing is off

The Sun reports that Britney Spears has announced that she would go naked for a film role. "Yes I'd go nude. And I'd love to play a superhero. That would be really cool." This might have made teenage boys and 50 year old men pant & drool a couple of years ago. Now after marrying/divorcing/marrying a loser/having a baby/dropping the baby on it's head/become pregnant with loser's child #2, the prospect of seeing Britney naked is slightly more exciting than seeing David Letterman naked.

I am the father

The Boston Herald reported today that Weather Women Mish Michaels of CBS4 and JC Monahan of ABC5 are both pregnant. This is correct. There was one error with the report. I am the father of both children. Please be happy for me and my weather women. I'm hoping to start a mormon compound filled with attractive weather women and our children. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The curse of Damon

Watching the Yankess implode against The Red Sox last night was great. 1 game doesn't make a season & it's only May, but boy did the Yanks look bad. I'm still waiting for the Rocket to sign with the Sox. It's only a matter of time. Trust me. Roger will sign. Have I ever misled you?

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Jill Hennessy on the run

The season finale of "Crossing Jordan" ended with Jordan on the run from the law. Innocent with mounting evidence against her, what will happen to our favorite crime fighter? Her boyfriend is dead with evidence pointing to her as the killer!!!! How will she survive?.... All she has is a really big, goofy hat to hide behind. I don't think that will help her avoid detection. Usually when I see a good looking woman walking down the street with only a large, goofy hat covering her, I know for a fact that she's a killer. I'm good like that.

What must I do?

Jannifer Garner & Reese Witherspoon visited a New Orleans school affected by the hurricane. What do I have to do to get Reese and Jennifer to visit me at work? hmmmmm.
I survived a cold! no?
I survived a bad rain storm! no?
I survived a bad hair day! no?
I have cake! no?
I'm sure I'm better looking & richer than your husbands! ummmmm, no?
Damn, will you ladies come anyway? Please?

Monday, May 08, 2006

Chloe sings

On Tuesday night's "Gilmore Girls", Mary Lynn Rajskub (Chloe on "24") guest stars as a hopeful singer who sings "I drive an 89 Volvo". No word on whether she will be packing heat or carrying a laptop.

Paternity test coming for Phillip

I did see MI3 this weekend. Phillip Seymour Hoffman is excellent as the villian. The movie ain't bad either. I am still convinced that he is the father of Katie Holmes baby. I am also convinced that they never landed on the moon. It was in a TV studio baby! I know this for a fact. Some guy named Larry on the street corner told me. He wouldn't lie.

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